decideformyself | IC inbox for neornithes

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IC inbox for neornithes

[ Eventually Philip will change his answering machine message. But until then, enjoy this default greeting. ]

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And here come the tears again. He tried not to be obvious about it but they do soon drip onto Philip's neck and shoulder.

This was exactly what he'd been dreading. Philip's one arm clung desperately to Shotaro and he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Shotaro. I intended to remain calm, but..."

He shook his head. "No, this isn't your fault." His voice is thick from crying, and from more than just today. "I should have at least tried to stop them from taking you." Never again, though. Never, ever again.

"You couldn't have known it would be worse than last time," Philip insisted. "I consider it a victory that you managed to avoid coming to any harm."

"That's not good enough! It was terrible enough the first time with the anesthetic!" He was done being complacent about how things went around here.

Philip pulled away and sat up -- which was awkward, since he was lying on his left side. "And what could you have done differently, Shotaro?" he insisted. "Do you imagine you could have fought off the guards who came for me? Or rescued us all from those chairs without being captured yourself?"

"Sure, I would have failed! But I would have at least made the decision to try! The boss would have tried as hard as he could!" He pushed his fingers through his hair.

"Even when it would have only led to a more catastrophic outcome?"

"I don't care if it means I end up there again! At least I wouldn't have sat there and done nothing! Otherwise I'm nothing but a hypocrite!"

At least by having this argument, Philip gets to be befuddled instead of depressed. "Isn't that more about making sure you don't feel bad than actually being productive?"

"Maybe more of us need to make some decisions."

Philip cringed. He turned his head so that Shotaro was no longer within range of his right eye.

He reached up and put a hand on his shoulder that still had an arm attached to it. "Sorry."

Philip shrugged away from that hand. "You're right," he agreed lightly. "This has happened many times now, and I've gotten no better at learning to..." He gestured uselessly. To do the right thing. To function as a human being. "This time I was simply glad that you were spared."

He shook his head. "It's not just you. Some people think they're making the right decisions to protect themselves and the people they care about. Even if it means hurting a stranger or someone they don't like. On the other hand, if they refuse, they could just as easily end up dead like those two kids during the last event did. Or worse, someone they care about could end up in the line of fire, which for some people can be worse than being hurt themselves.

"Breaking out of that is hard and terrifying. They'd be putting a lot of things very important to them on the line. It's easier for them to just bide their time and survive until their sentences are up."

But some of the people here had sentences that would never be up. Philip rested his head in his hand and sighed. He wondered how Adam's plan was proceeding, but he couldn't bring it up. Who knew who might be listening?

He scrubbed at his face, got up, and started pacing. He was still pissed off at this. Terui was dead, among others. And doing anything now would just be stupidly impulsive. And then there was the question of if even there was anything that could be done. Knowing what they knew now about the background of this place and the technology available, things could go very, very wrong.

"We'll have to try to get them to see it differently," he decided. "Somehow."

He glanced up to watch Shotaro pace. Easier said than done, really... "What do you propose for the next Carnival Corpse? Should we all just stand around and refuse to fight?"

"Sounds like it'd make a pretty boring event for the sponsors, don't you think? And if the sponsors aren't entertained, it's downhill from there. On top of the other things going on."

"We'll surely be punished for it," Philip pointed out. "And if they believe that punishment is not enough to deter us, what's to stop them from simply doing away with those who refuse to play along?"

"If we can get enough people on board, that would leave them with an empty prison. And that's no way to make money." Sure, it was contingent on a lot of things. And he already had an idea of people that wouldn't be in for this kind of thing.

Philip ruffled his hair in frustration and let out a deep breath. Shotaro had a point.

He looked over at Philip and sighed. "We'll talk about this later with Terui and John. Just rest for now, alright, partner?" he came up next to the bed. He hated to see him scared like this. "Is there anything you want?"

He wanted to kick himself for feeling this way. All that would come of his being upset would be Shotaro getting upset and possibly doing something stupid.

"Some company would be nice," he admitted.

He smirked. "What kind of partner would I be if I abandoned you in your hour of need?" Okay, back into bed with him. Lounging like this in bed with someone wasn't something he did often but it just felt right with Philip.

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decideformyself - 2014-11-06 22:03 (UTC) - Expand

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tanteiotaku - 2014-11-06 22:07 (UTC) - Expand

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